When You Don't Get The Closure You Need

When You Don't Get The Closure You Need

 Often I wonder, what did I do wrong? Was it me? Or was it them?

It's honestly so hard to understand, how someone who you once had a deep connection with, can leave you in the dark with the weight of that deep connection in a blink of an eye. Isn't it unfair to be left with a mixture of hope and confusion? To be left with all of the smallest memories you shared together?

I am not given an opportunity to understand why this had to end and I am not given an opportunity to prepare such a hurtful way of goodbye. How could someone you once trusted so badly leave without any explanation?

It weighs so badly to someone they leave and they didn't know that. We kept blaming ourselves because of it and they didn't know that. We were drown in self-insecurities and they didn't know that.

I kept telling myself that it's my fault that they leave, I told myself all of the ugliest part of myself, the most unkind words to my self just to create the closure that I need. So that at least I know why it had to happen to me.

I kept replaying all of the imaginary scenarios and the 'what ifs' just to make it all about me. To write my own ending, to give myself my own closure.

With all of self-doubts, hurts, insecurities, I should continue living. I know once again, it will take the longest time to heal, to move on. But in the end, I know that I can't change the way they left my life. I can't change their minds.

All I can, is to accept it and try to enjoy every steps of healing.

I only wanted to wish you a good luck with your life, you know that I'm always hoping for the best for you. And thank you, thank you so much for all the memories we have shared together. Thank you for the laughs, the smiles, the kind wishes, the '3 am deep conversations', and the support you have given me.

Much love xx